


In The Mood For A Welsh F....

by LonelyGroceryStore



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Patrick Brewer is Gay, Patrick Brewer is a Troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyGroceryStore/pseuds/LonelyGroceryStore
Summary: Happy belated St David's day!Patrick makes a celebratory facebook status. David is not amused.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Kudos: 29





	In The Mood For A Welsh F....

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on St David's day, because SoonerOrLater tweeted about it (thanks!) but then I wasn't sure if I wanted to... But here we are!
> 
> The f slur is also the name of a type of food, and it used multiple times here only in that context. However, it is completely ok if you don't feel like reading that word.
> 
> This fic is dedicated to a 70 year old gay Welshman I know called David. He wrote "Patrick's" Facebook status a couple of years ago and I have never been able to forget it. (I'm not Welsh so thanks to him for introducing me to this lol).

Patrick Brewer: There’s nothing like a welsh faggot, welsh faggots are the best!

David rushed into the living room the second he saw Patrick’s facebook status at the top of his feed. Patrick was slightly reclined on the couch, finishing up his coffee. It was so early that David had literally just finished the final step of his skincare routine, and now he was wondering if all of his work had been for nothing.  
“Patrick… What on earth is your Facebook status about?”  
“It’s St. David’s day, David!”  
“I-what?”  
“It’s St. David’s day in Wales.”  
“Oh… happy St. David’s day, that still doesn’t explain your status.”  
“St. David’s day is when we eat a lot of Welsh food and basically just celebrate being Welsh. The big cities usually have parades and people also sometimes wear leeks and daffodils, it’s a whole thing. Happy St. David’s day to you too.” Patrick almost sounds wistful, which made Daid want to start planning a trip to Wales right then and there.  
“Oh… so that’s your way of… celebrating being welsh?”  
“Yes. Also… maybe you should google ‘welsh faggot’”  
“Do I want to?”  
“Probably.”  
David gingerly pulled out his phone and did as Patrick suggested. When he eventually got up the nerve to look at his screen, he was no less confused.  
“Patrick, It’s a MEATBALL?”  
“Usually with peas in it, yes. They’re pretty good!”  
“Oh my gosh.”  
With that, David turned on his heel toward the kitchen to go make himself some breakfast.  
Suddenly Patrick’s phone lit up with a notification about a comment on his facebook status.

David Rose: That’s debatable.  
Patrick Brewer: Have you ever tried one?  
David Rose: I don’t like what’s inside them, namely… the peas.  
Patrick Brewer: Maybe you can try some later.  
David Rose: Maybe St David’s day should be /my/ day because I am David, meaning you have to be N I C E to me.  
Patrick Brewer: Oh David, welsh faggots are always nice.  
David Rose: Again, very debatable.

**Author's Note:**

> The "I don't like what's inside" line comes from someone called Larry, who is very close(?) with the David I know.
> 
> Another status about this that David made was "In the mood for a welsh faggot" which is hilarious and would have been funny to have David Rose post at the end, but I honestly can't imagine him doing that.
> 
> Also, no, I have never had a Welsh faggot. I'm a vegetarian. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! You can find me on twitter @lesbianDavdRose


End file.
